Backwards

Two months in. Two months into graduate school after a fast and furious journey through three years of medical school. Step 1 and Step 2 are behind me and my white coat I received three years ago to this day now sits in my closet — not to be worn for another who-knows-how-long number of years.

I don’t quite know that it has even fully sunk in yet. After learning more than I ever thought possible about anatomy, pathophysiology, technical procedures, physical exams, etc., I am in a whole different world. Rather than memorization and application, I have entered into the land of synthesis. Tests are open book, my brain is forced to think about the unknown, and I am asked about my opinions on what I want to investigate. A question I had put on pause that I now have to press play and think about.

My stethoscope and reflex hammer is replaced with a pipette. The knowledge of how to do certain experiments lodged somewhere deep in my brain – I have had to shake off the dust and try to remember things that were once second nature, known facts. And while delving into the world of science, certain facts of medicine I fear will be temporarily forgotten. Guess we will dust those off in a few years.

MD/PhD is a journey. And it definitely is beginning to feel like one as I am starting anew, almost going backwards to the very beginning of a new degree. My peers are applying and starting residency, and I am back to going to class, taking exams, and studying in the library. Sitting in the same room where I studied for Step 1 and Step 2 but now for a new subject and a whole new degree program.

It is going to be an adjustment, that I can already tell. But in the same light, there are some similarities, mainly in the realm of learning. Rather than memorization, I am tasked with learning how to think, how to ask, and how to write. Skills that I don’t mind spending some time perfecting. So cheers to going backwards and starting anew. A new cohort of peers and a whole new day to day, all in the pursuit of being a physician scientist.